Ah, newlyweds.....

Dan:
ugh...
cheap and ugly
expensie and invisible
like choosing a hooker!

Bold Tadhg!

Paddy: Maybe that, if it looks like people are freer then. Never being able to be sure that Tadhg hasn't forgotten something doesn't make it easier either!
Dan: i knew that when i asked......
Paddy: LOL
Dan: but he's like a puppy
....
you can't give out to him

Why abbreviations can be bad.....

Andy:just cause i know what a fax is, doesnt mean i know what fascimile means

Andy's new fetish?

Birmingham, Andy in the taxi:

If there's wifi anywhere I'll get it up......

great sentence is great

Paddy: yeah, i think an audiobook is my best shot at ever getting them read!

Analytical insight...

Andrew: "Sexton is single handedly responsible for Ireland loosing the Triple Crown and 6 nations, for the dinosaurs going extinct and George Hook going bald. Fact."

You do what now??

Al: "If I could only get my balls to go in the right direction, I'd be fine.."

Can find what you're looking for...

Paddy: "dammit, why could they not do something useful for cheap, like a torque wrench?!"

Crossed Wires?

Grace: Do we have to keep doing this?

Andy: You have to keep going until you get off!

Elaine Asks Dan

Will I flick it?

tee hee hee

DAN: I can never get them to go down.

Science

Tadhg: There is a slight chance of deadness, other than that you'll make a full recovery

nice. Just...nice. Whats a honeybager?

Tadhg: Yeah, like "teardops of a unicorns for flavoring honeybagers..."

its been a while:

Paddy:

and got a face full of arse for his troubles!

Cowboy time

Jamie: What time is it?
Me: Its 10 to 10
Jamie: Oh, Cowboy time!
Me: ?????? What?
Jamie: tentotentotentotentoten.........

You don't say?

Niamh G: "That's not a car, that's a house!"

Thats what she said

Jason: We'll definitely need to swap positions from time to time!

An offer he can't refuse....

Andy: "yeah, ill split free delivery with you"

he may still be hung over

Andy: I made Eva all wet!

It seems like he may have been drinking again

Andy: GIVE ME MORE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!

great sentence is great!

Paddy: got 2, to probably put the total at....... 2?

Mixed meanings

Andy: "It's not just a footstool, it's also an arse stool!"

Bill Gates sexy imagination is realised

Lorraine: Windows laptops are just so stiff!

Out of context....

John: "When you take the langer out of him, you can understand him!!"

Cycling is hard!!

Tony: "So, how was your weekend??"

Paddy: "grand, but the next time that I get a notion to do 100k having not been on a bike in about a month, please beat me with my helmet until I'm too concussed to do it!"

Thats what she said!

Guy at work: why arent my balls on the table?

Damn Monkies!

"Dont dangle off the bed or the monkies will get you"

Crazy Scottish girl. Read into this what you will. Also that is the spelling according to her so dont even bother.

A fine scottish city

"I thought Belfast was in Scotland"

An English girl i met on my travels. I spent the next hour trying to explain the difference between ireland and northern ireland. She was a bit slow.

Taken out of context......

Dan to Niamh: "i'll have to knock you up"

Sand is the Enemy!

what i was told before i went on a 3 day trip to the largest sand island in the world - Fraser Island.

So, I hear you're a racist now.....

While watching the Netherlands v Spain World Cup Final
Jason: "Go on Pedro!..... [surprised] It actually is Pedro!"

Jealous Much....

Andy: My legs are handsome, you're just jealous!

Jason: Just as well, nothing else of you is.....

Tony bares a bit too much....

Tony: "Oh the wind kicked up the me kilt up, had a Marilin Monroe moment, thank god I was wearing shorts underneath!!!"

Watching Jeremy Clarkson driving a Reliant Robin...

Paddy: "oh good lord, he gave it stabilisers!"

Cork people and their horns....

Andy: "is that a vuvuzela in your pocket, or do you really like cork?"

the world cup explained to a woman

Wife: Not more football!
Me: Yes, love. It's the World Cup.
Wife: Who's playing?
Me: North Korea v Ivory Coast
Wife: Why d'you want to watch that?
Me: It's the World Cup.
Wife: Is that your answer to everything

PAUSE.

Me: IT'S THE WORLD CUP!

Stolen from: http://robborobson.blogspot.com/2010/06/greetings-from-dubai.html

They should update the internet more often I guess?

Tony: The f*cking internet this morning is awful!

sometimes Java is fun. Not this time.

only to find that the checkout failed because Subversive ate my heap.

An Educated argument.......

Paddy: I may have been taking the piss....


Tony: May???


Paddy: Well according to the multiverse theory, there exists a universe where I was not taking the piss, therefore there is a possibility that it was this universe


Tony: Damn quantum theory!!!


Paddy: LOL. Dunno why it popped into my head to go that route with the response


Tony: Well according to quantum theory, I am both annoyed and amused at the same time!!!


Paddy: and any other number of responses too

On being told that mice have been found to produce morphine....

Paddy: "so mice are gonna have to become a controlled substance?"

Tag rugby baby?

(tiny) Girl at tag: sorry guys, I think I have to go. My water just broke!

John in Glasgow

John pulls up to a set of traffic lights in downtown Glasgow.
-- Ah crap im in the wrong lane.
John tries to move the car over to the left lane (as he is turning left) leaving half the car behind.
Light change to orange,
nobody moves.
Lights turn green. Still nobody moves.
--Why airnt the moving
--Ah crap they're parked.

Que laughter in surround sound and red faced syndrome.

Oh dear God!

Girl at work: Its ok to steal their internet, they snowballed me!

Niamh states the obvious about dancing.....

Niamh: "You have to think on your feet"

On seeing delivery charge of £225.00 for a set of guitar strings on ebay

Paddy: "are they delivering them by space shuttle within 5 minutes of me ordering? Cos that's what I'd wan for that sort of cost!"

Thats What She Said:

Girl at work: Dont give it to me today
Guy at work: Ok, i'll try
Girl: You cna give it to me on monday. Id love it on monday

Tadhg takes his food seriously.....

Paddy: "...some people probably would kill for chicken salad!"
Tadhg: "I would! I definatly would!! :-)"

That's what she said

Michelle (via Dan): "Yeah, but were they gluten free? The lack of protein makes it harder for them to rise"

Wait for it..... Wait....... There we go!

Niamh G: "What size is 9 1/2 inches?"

I think I might be working with the Joker.......

Guy from work: That still doesnt explain why Batman came back?

Andy gets bitchy.....

Andrew: "did a Robbie Keane style celebration"
Andrew: "and i dont mena went to coppers"

European Rugby, eh?

Jason: "So, what do you think of Ireland's chance in the Heineken [Cup]?"

Divine Vision Impairment

Andrew: "galway is gods blind spot, he wont see anytihng..........."

Just what you need on a Sunday evening

Tadhg: "My head is spinning and niamh g is asking computer questions..... about her mac!"

Scandalous!

Laura: "What's going on with Jason and Dan?"
Niamh: "They're having a baby!"

Andrew on Rugby Scrummage rules

Cian "Let them have their giant man-piles"

RAG Week is now called Charity Week...

Paddy: "...students are students, the name's not going to matter, if the events are on, they're gonna drink themselves into a vomit-encrusted pile of stupidity regardless of the name"

Crazy students

I asked them to tell me what they would do if tomorrow they had no fossil fuels (not being able to cook food being one of the criteria)

This was one of the girls' answers for what she would eat for lunch:

"Teacher Alan raw steak"

Arent kids cute?

Stating the Obvious

Delta Flight Attendant: "We have a choice of entrees today, there's chicken, or vegetarian pasta.  We cannot guarantee that you will get your first choice, but you will get your second"

Americans and Accents

American Shop Assistant: "So what part of Canada are you guys from?"
Paddy: "Ireland"
ASA: "Oh, that part!"
Paddy: "Yeah, that part"

Desperate Times.....

Tony: "Great, they shut off water to the building, which likely means there will be no water at the house"

Andy: "wooO! start hording your wee"

Bloke at work from Limerick

Tallaght, its like the Limerick of Dublin!

Subtle as a sawn-off shotgun....to the face!

Andy (to Grace and Rachel): "Are ye two lesbians?"

Chocolate milkshake? Dave wanted chocolate everything

Outrageous casting

21:45 Tony: I am gonna log off now, star trek getting good!!
21:49 THEY CAST WINONA RYDER AS SPOCKS MOTHER!!! WTF!!!

Andy's thoughts on avatar

Andrew: "its basically dances with wolves.... with smurf cats"

Whatever you're into yourself...

Tony: "ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!!!"

King of beers

Tony: (to Paddy) "So Al is the king of drinking there!! That must make you and Andy GODS!!!"

Equal Opportunities for snowmen

Dan: "snow men are so racist.  ya never see black or asian ones!"

Tony walks gingerly

all the footpaths were icey, it was like walking in oily creme brule

What is it that didn't she say?!

Kim: "Balls. The one time I go on top" (contributed by Andy)

Precipitation

Grace: "Look, it's snowing.... Oh wait, it's just watering"

On the Danes

Andy: "He danish, you know what they're like"
Tadhg: "Crazy?"
Andy: "No, delicious!"

On the marriage of steve martin

Andy: "Ya think, ya know, when ya turned 52 you'd stop loving people...."

That's what else she said!

Laura to Niamh: "It depends how big the opening is?"

That's what she said

Eve to John: "So I don't have to bend over, do I?"

Mixed up senses

Kim to Paddy: "You're just really good at feeling what you're hearing"

Appropriate?

Tony: "Put me in whatever position you want Dave!"

Quality learning

Kim: I'm teaching the youth of tomorrow.

An intresting figure....

Mairead: "She is so skinny, if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue she'd be a zip!"

Taken out of context

John: "Are you keeping up?" [to tony]

Taken out of context

John: "That's two in two minutes...."

Niamh: "That was good!"

Commenting on the atmosphere...

Niamh: " Don't lower the tone.....

Dan: "There's a tone??"

Paddy: "It can get lower???"

Taken out of context

John to Tadhg about Niamh: " See, she likes it thick"

That's what Niamh said

Niamh G to Tadhg: "I thought you were going to give me too much!"

Niamh gets confused

Niamh G, about the backdrop TV screen on MOTD: "Is that real snow?"

Lessons learned by Andy

Andrew: "Glittery means exotic.  I learned that in Amsterdam"

The perviness of Twilight

Hoss: "If it was my dad going to see a 17 year old girl with her top off, I'd be like 'Dad, that is sick...... and when are we going?!'"

More out of context....

Spud to Tadhg: "How do you take it"

Bra Logistics

Andrew (on Kim's bra strap): "I can't even undo it when I'm looking at it!"

Take out of context....

Andrew: "After doing it twice, screw it I'm eating"

Paddy on asking a boss for time off for a doctors appointment....

"Can I have a half day thursday?"

"No"

"Really? Cos if I don't I might die in here....."

"Oh alright then!"

Tony's view of non-drinkers

Tony: "Yeah, sometimes Dan can be no fun :-("

Best excert from a conversation ever!

but the nurse just actually said fuck it
and gave it to me

(as part of a discussion about a shot)

Keith hasnt been sleeping well

Keith (while on laptop while I'm playing Fable2):
- Why is that prostitute asking you if you want sex?

With Friends Like These

Tony: Yeah! Will I'll just get the hatcket from the boot of my car.......
Tony's new status message - In Work - brb 09:26

Niamh Gargan: "I love strippers!"

There is some truth to this....

Words of Truth

Andy: "Nobody writes Bob Dylan like Bob Dylan. Nobody plays Bob Dylan like the Byrds"

Thats What She Said:

Ken: Just detach the handle bar then slip it in the back...no joke intended

what you get up to in your own internet time

Tony: Hanging head in sham....

Gotta love when coincidence and innuendo converge......

George Hamilton during the France V NZ rugby match: "And here's Hore the hooker"

George Hook after the Ireland V Austrilia game

"The human frame is not build to be tackled by run away cement mixers!!"

A resteraunt sandwich board in Chiang Mai

It foods! Taste great!

Return of Thats What She Said! Again! This time by a girl!

Elaine: Do you have soft balls?

Whatever you're into yourself......

Tadhg (to Jason): "No, no. I was gonna wipe your arse"

Stupid Airline

Al (in airport in Bangkok): "Where is my bag?"

Baggage Guy: "Its lost in the system, but probably still in Heathrow"

Al: "Fantastic"

Hungry Nitelink Floors

Random Drunk on the Nitelink: "Oh my God, the floor ate my Frog bar!!"

That's What She Said Again

Elaine (t0 Jason): "Did you get in there yet?"

Tony loses his man status

Tony: "OWWW, my new shoes have left blister on my heels!!"

Return of Thats What She Said!

Paddy: I'm not sure I want to know where you're going with that

On Clive Barnes playing guitar...

Danny: "You know, if you stare too long at his hands you can go blind!!"

Missing the point

Andrew: "What was the last stealthy thing you heard of the SEALs doing?"

Boasting....

Andy:
.....this morning, i did that10 times, then added 2000 new

...and i killed a tiger!
but that was more commuting

Sexual Equality

Niamh Gargan: "I've never been a groomsman"

Geography

Grace: "Why are you wearing a Leinster top?" (Said to Paddy in his house in Wexford)
followed by
Grace: "Isn't Wexford in Connacht?"

PRIDE!

TONY: ROFL, you just made me laugh out loud and the entire office looked at me strangly

Take it out of context

Jason: You'd never realise it, but it gets everywhere, doesn't it!

Computer Problems

Paddy: Argh, mouse batteries have just run out!

Take it out of context

Paddy: ah fuck, why did I have to be the first one up there?!

Thats What She Said:

Podge: guess we'll just have to keep it up for longer so!